rant.

so, tonight i was actually finished with my work early for the first time ever, and i was really excited about actually getting out on time for the first time in a long time, because it’s saturday night and my husband was home and doesn’t have to get up early for work tomorrow, so we could actually spend time together and watch a movie and have a drink, but no, the nurse replacing me was late because of the snowstorm, and then two fucking fentanyl patches were missing and since i’m the nurse it’s my fault (even though they were there at 3p) so i had to stay late to dig through trash and laundry and do paperwork and so i didn’t fucking leave until 1AM AGAIN for the fifth fucking time this week. and then i had to drive 10mph home because of the snow, and i got home and my fucking piece of shit car got stuck in the driveway three times because it wasn’t shoveled and my husband was in bed asleep, so i had to dig my fucking car out, and now it’s 1:40am and i’m wide awake while he’s asleep. i am sick and tired of working 2+ hours late every single fucking shift and never seeing my husband and having no life outside of work and sleep. i hate it. and now i have a medication error on my record and that pisses me the fuck off. i’m tired of all this shit.

day #3 of being sick with the effing flu. yes, i got my flu shot this year, but apparently some crazy mutant flu strain is making its way around my workplace and staff and residents are all getting sick. i went to a clinic on saturday, was diagnosed with the flu, given a script for tamiflu, and sent home. i filled the script ($114 for 10 pills, ouch) and i’ve been taking it as directed, but i’m just grouchy and grumpy that i’m home sick. this is the third day of work i have missed due to being sick. grump grump grump.

i’ve been watching beauty videos on youtube, like one does, and can i just rant a little about the term “cruelty-free”? there are so many ppl on youtube talking about their “favorite cruelty-free products” and all that, and then they feature products that may not have been tested on animals, but still contain animal by-products. guess what? if a product contains animal by-products, it’s not cruelty-free. the only TRUE cruelty-free products are VEGAN. how is that not glaringly obvious to everyone?

i really gotta get off of the internet, it’s making me more cranky. people are idiots.

things that piss me off.

first off, let me preface this by saying that i am overweight. i am about 30-40lbs heavier than my “normal” weight. many factors have contributed to this, including but not limited to: hypothyroidism, stress eating from nursing school, inactivity/not exercising, eating unhealthy food (yes, french fries are vegan), drinking more (i heart beer; see also aforementioned stress from nursing school) and being on these crazy steroids for my rheumatological disorder. for some reason, my body has decided to store the majority of these extra pounds in my abdominal/belly region.

here’s what pisses me off: people that assume i’m pregnant/ask me when i’m due/reach out to touch my belly, etc etc etc. this happens quite frequently. in fact, at work the other day, a colleague congratulated me on what i thought was my first day back to work after being out sick for a month, but she actually thought i was pregnant and wanted to know if i was having a boy or a girl.

isn’t there some unwritten etiquette rule that one does not ask a woman if she is pregnant/make reference to her being pregnant unless 1) the woman mentions that she is pregnant, or 2) she is actually birthing a baby right at that moment right in front of you?

here’s what pisses me off even more: people who think that i don’t know my own body.
“are you SUUUUUUUUURE you’re not pregnant?!??”
“yes, i’m certain.”
“i don’t know, are you SURE-sure? you’re totally pregnant.” fuck off. I KNOW MY BODY. I AM NOT PREGNANT. FULL STOP.

UGH, people. i realize i am overweight. i am trying to not totally hate my body and how i look, which is really hard at times seeing how i live in a culture that values skinny beautiful people above anything else and if you’re not skinny and perfect, you’re worthless.

i’m just really grumpy tonight. i feel like i’m in the prodromal stages of a cold, i have a headache that acetaminophen is doing doodily for and i can’t take any NSAIDs because i’m still on the stupid steroid. speaking of the prednisone, i’m weaning off of it per MD orders and i’m down to 10mg a day, which is too low a dose to be effective at keeping my joint pain at bay, and i’m hurting. i just have to suck it up and deal with the pain, because there’s nothing else i can do, there are no meds i can take that will make it go away other than prednisone and/or vicodin, both of which i do not want to take.

okay, time to go snuggle with my cat. tobey always makes everything better.